I Have A Girlfriend!!!.... According To The Local Drunk Fisherman

It's Friday night. Vicky B and I decide to grab a drink, and by we I mean me. Just one. "We" decided it would be classy to drink at the local Red Lobster as I have never experienced the awesomeness of the bar-area. We go. No room at the inn. There's no other bar around worth going to... but there IS the Regal Beagle. That's what we call the local "pub" attached to a restaurant from the 70's. It's pretty bad like the faux name suggests ala the reference to the bar in Three's Company. Let's just say it has a wall made out out fools gold. You get the picture.

It was just bad enough that Vicky B had to be coaxed into going and good enough for me to grab a quick brew (so not a beer girl, but Hefeweizen w/ lots of lemon appeals to my Latin side). We enter the fine establishment and decide to sit in the corner because it's one of those wood-paneled places where every creepy perv looks you up and down because they're drunk enough to believe they actually have a chance of a hook up. So we keep a low profile, Vicky B playing bejeweled on my iPod as she is not drinking, and they serve me up a tall one, a huge one (that's what she said).

Can I just say on a side note, that the Regal Beagle has THE best drinking music one could ask for? Granted, it was chosen on a jukebox by other drunkards, but damn, those drinky mcgees have excellent taste. Here's just a sampling off the Regal Beagle Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 that I just made up the name for:

1. Wasted Days & Wasted Nights - Freddy Fender

2. Lying Eyes - The Eagles

3. Another Eagles song that sounds similar to that.

4. The Joker -Steve Miller Band

5. Volver - Vicente Fernandez

6. Always on My Mind - Willie Nelson

I felt like I needed to drown my sorrows and I didn't even know what kind of sorrows I had!

Back to the story. So there we were chilling. Lord knows we tried to be incognito, but we can't help that we're two cute chicks. All of sudden, a slurring drunken old man comes up to our high table. He keeps telling us how beautiful we both were and how we were the prettiest girls he'd ever seen. Alright, I can get behind the compliment, I'm shallow, but it really was making the both of us quite uncomfortable.

He asked us if we liked to fish... if you know us, you know the answer to that. Then, he kept slurring some mess about we are what we are, we is what we is, referring to Popeye. I kept saying "what he say?" cuz I couldn't hear him over the awesome music and I don't think I wanted to. Then he commanded us to both give him our hand. Us being stupid and scared, we went along with it hesitantly. Hey, you never know if a drunk is gonna get crazy. Let's just say like his hands looked like this:

EWWW!!!!! I can't believe we let him touch us. Had a firm grip on our hands too. But I was so confused and I didn't want him to attack us.

I distinctly heard him call me a "witch" and I was like "oookkaaayyy" and he said "oh oh, it's not a bad thing." So then you know what he did? He brought both Vicky B's and my hand together and it all made sense. He thought my BFF and I were a couple and that I was the DUDE who bewitched her into being with me. All the evidence was stacked up against me. I had my hair in a pony tail, an argyle cardigan, and I was the one drinking a beer. Hey, she could do worse.

So yeah, thanks drunk fisherman guy, I'm sure Vicky B and I will live happily ever after like we were doing already without your intervention. We're pretty hot lesbians apparently.

Thank God for Vicky B's cleanliness because she had wipes on-hand after the incident. We couldn't rub hard enough (that's what she said... again). Can't I just go to a local pub with my friend without being called a les? Drunk fisherman are haters! Well, I had fun.

Why I Hate Gravy Train, By Pistol

So, Gravy Train thinks I hate her. I will explain. She used to comment on my site and now she hasn't, and then suddenly she has returned....

I realize I can't live without her. I need her comments because like she has said, they are the life-blood of the blogging world, and believe it or not, her comments mean a lot to me. All of your comments mean a lot to me. I haven't been inspired to write anything these past couple days because I've been so pissed off by the Bachelor Season Finale. I can't believe it's bothered me so, even infecting my dreams. I will have to let that abuse of trust go. Kay, what was I talking about again?

Hot Geek Of The Week: Anderson Cooper

(Oh Anderson. Be still my heart. You make me so happy, just by looking at you)

Oh hi. Ahem, I did see you there. Perhaps YOU can see why Anderson Cooper is my pic for Hot Geek of the Week. For those who don't know who he is, and yes, sadly there are still some of you out there who don't (BLT, I'm looking at you), He's a news anchor on CNN. He hosts AC360 every weekday and he just KILLS it because he's hot and he cares about the issues and stuff. And he like goes to different countries and junk and cares about the people there... and like I said, stuff. And I mean come on, have you SEEN his biceps?!

Your WELCOME! I put more than one pic because I think you people deserve a little bit of eye candy. Oh and BLT, you know who you are, how can you think he's old. Looked it up. Only 41. Has had gray hair for years!
Oh and one more thing. Not to burst any hetero bubbles here, but once again I choose a geek who I don't think plays for my team. Kinda sad, I have a penchant for guys who will never want me. What's that about? Think Anderson, think!

(hmmm...)

Sacrifice.

Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. I'm not Catholic, but a lot of my friends are. So in solidarity of Lent, I have decided to give up the one thing I truly love in the whole world for 40 days and 40 nights: Diet Coke, well, any form of soda in general.

I didn't think it would be all that hard. But this is day 2 and I'm fiending for it. I think I've got the shakes and my skin itches (I don't think this is directly related with my hypochondria). TKG and I went out to eat at an establishment that requires you to get your own refreshment. "Diet, no ice" I say... no dice. She shoots me down for my own good. I had completely forgotten and would've put that tasty beverage to my lips! So wrong, yet so right!

I had been cutting back my intake of pop in recent months in an attempt to be healthier, but to completely cut it out of my diet - absurd! I apologize in advance if I am cranky with you next I see you. Hopefully you will understand.

Oh, Gravy Train & I have decided that Red Bull is not a soda, but an "energy drink." Not that I drink it often, but who knows what I am capable of. Vodka here I come! Oh and yummy Mineral Water - that has bubbles. Oh and club soda doesn't count. Granted it has the word "soda" in the title, but it has no flavor. Wait, does Ginger Ale count? Uh oh.

Another Weird Thing I Notice.

So I was watching Nick & Norah's Infinitely Playlist on DVD the other day. Kinda cute movie, bought it on a whim. The two main characters are attractive enough (well, Michael Cera is a dork, and the girl is definitely prettier). Anyway, I always noticed this in movies and you know what, it kinda creeps me out. And I noticed it in this movie:

Norah's head/face is bigger than Nick's head/face.

Why does that matter, you say? Because it does. See, I'm looking at them sucking face and I just can't buy it when the girl's head/face is bigger than the guy's head/face. I've never really mentioned this quirk to anyone before. See, my best friends and I have measured the circumference of our noggins before, but I never expressed at the time that I feel a guy I'm dating and/or are in a serious relationship with should at least have a bigger face than I do. It creeps me out otherwise. Something to think about.

Blond Lady At The American Red Cross: Why Do You Hate Me?

My blood is liquid gold. Goes to preemies. So I feel it is my civic duty to go every couple months to the Red Cross. However, this visit was unlike any other. There's this blond older lady that works at the American Red Cross in my community. I've seen her every time I've gone and she always looks likes she's extremely unhappy with the way her life is going.

She's one of those people who you know doesn't want to make small talk (I'm a small talk kinda girl). She's grumpy at all times, and that day was no exception. She asked me all the usual questions: Allergic to iodine blah blah blah. Proceeds to swab my arm for days (which they are supposed to), marks my veins, and then says I'll be right back don't move. Eek! Don't tell me not to do something, it just makes it harder not to move.

She doesn't come back for another 5 minutes it seems and I'm sitting there (trying not to move, but playing Bejeweled (on my iPod) with my other free hand. So she comes back, grabs my arm roughly, and proceeds to stick me... I see my blood is flowing real slow. Seeming perplexed, she decides to stick the needle DEEPER inside my skin. Ow. Seems to work for a moment. Hold up, not working, so she continues to move the needle even more. OW OW OW.

Imagine videos you've seen of liposuction, when they're burning all the fat off, that's how she looked moving that needle around under my skin. Finally, her mean-looking face softens up when she realizes how much she just effed me up. Oh, she says, I think the needle went into the tissue. I'm going to call Anh over. Yeah, whatever, you do that. If I had known wanted you to work that needle like a video game joystick, I would've gone elsewhere. I asked the Anh lady how did this happen, but apparently they are not allowed to blame idiots.

So there you have it. They couldn't use the blood I'd given (about 40% of a bag) because once the blood is clotted, they have to discard. You bastards! If I hadn't gotten my free 125th anniversary Red Cross Umbrella, I don't know what I would've done, it seemed to calm me. I'm traumatized, but I plan to be brave and go back someday.

Moral of the story: If you live in the Santa Clara Valley in California, Do not, I repeat, do NOT let the one blond lady touch you, at all! Have a friend at my work who gives blood and that same girl touched her, same thing! I look like a druggie. :-(

(Not my arm, but you get the point.)

I Think I'm In Luv.

Audi A5... 'nuff said. Tell me you see me in this next.